He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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