Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
