you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
