are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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