Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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