My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
