I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
