I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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