i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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