Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
