She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
