Hey man sorry I got all grabby
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
