I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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