4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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