I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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