I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize