I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
