Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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