we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
