it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
