Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
