I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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