the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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