it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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