butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
