I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
