But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
