Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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