you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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