uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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