I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
