he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
