oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
