He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
