you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
