We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
