Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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