Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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