So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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