Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
