YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
