pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will be naked everywhere
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
