Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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