Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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