you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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