This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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