Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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