I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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