I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
