Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
