at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize