Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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