is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
