I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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