She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
