I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
