i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
