please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize