GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
