I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She needs sedatives and a leash
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
