do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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