I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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