I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
