ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize