They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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