Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
